This raw reflection highlights the importance of being honest. Some days can wear you down, and it’s important to recognize that. True resilience is gained through struggling, and doing your best in the face of everything.
“The first photo was originally a mistake. However after a very emotionally trying day, I realized how the photo actually described my thoughts and feelings of the last 8 weeks rather perfectly. I see in the first photo the shadow representing a shell of the person I was pre-COVID19. It also brings home how much I dislike the words, ‘NON ESSENTIAL’. So often lately, I feel just that. When I look further, I see myself stepping back in to myself with new normal, and my old steady routines, Running over 115 miles in April and striving for 125 in May. When I am outside on a back road with not a soul to be seen, it is easy to think that all is right in the world. False. I make myself laugh as I take great pleasure in singing out load at the top of my lungs. BTW, I am the best singer that I have ever heard. The new life in the trees and glistening Fall Creek, hearing the wind in the forest, and finding pure delight in a new trail is what helps me balance.
When I make it back home, I feel like I can handle the day ahead with not much to do other than laundry, house work, gardening and learning to become a pretty damn good vegan cook. I feel stronger and MORE ESSENTIAL. I have been journaling and should probably throw the journal in the trash when all is said and done, for fear that I would hurt others feelings or be found out. I wouldn’t want anyone to know how much I cry. You see, I am a planner, and it is hard to plan more than a day in advance right now. I worry about everyone.
With all of this said, I am a very lucky person with my immediate family at home, safe and sound and yet, a day of frustrating internet problems pushed me right over the edge.
I miss my parents, friends and coworkers, and my daily routines.
The next photos are an example of trying to balance and be there for those who do need me. I am essential, and so are you. I apologize if this was not all positive and uplifting, but this is honest and it feels good to say so.”